EL-OW-VI-EE :D

It is exactly 12:30 am and I'm still here in front of my laptop waiting for....I don't know. Nothing. And here I go again, crazily thinking what to write....... Since I am seeing and hearing LOVE everyday and I so love my friend's blog (Reynolph) which is more about love, maybe it's time for me to share mine. I mean, my perspective, my ideas about it. I am completely loveless now. You know, romantically. Hahaha! 

Do I sound weird if I tell you now that I've never been in love again after 4 years? or I don't know. May be there are people whom I really LIKED or may be I have fallen in love with, I am just so afraid to admit it because of this big word that I don't want to come my way: REJECTION. Wait. Let me clear it out. I am not really sure if I've really fallen in love cause I've never felt that feeling, I mean, that unexplainable feeling which I really can't explain now. Hahahahaha! It's just that, I feel so numb for this. I feel that I'll just get hurt again. That everything will just fall apart in the end. So I settled my mind for something that will help me (I think) avoid that pain. Whenever I'm starting to like somebody, like to my close friend and that mysterious guy (no he's not just a guy, he is a MAN for me) , HOPE, another big word, comes along the way. Wow! Very optimistic yet very dangerous. I've always loved that word. As I grow older, I promised myself that it would be my guide in everything. Yes, people know me as the "optimistic goody goody type". But sometimes, when fate finally tests you, your positive and happily ever after slowly changes. HOPE really is what keeps us alive, I am still a believer of that, but the funny thing is sometimes, you just have to stop hoping for that something or someone that you're never sure of from the very start. May be, just may be with that we can free ourselves from the pain or we could at least lessen it. And I know, this is the reason why I am so heartless about this crazy little thing called love because I am afraid, I am always avoiding it, I am never admitting it, I close my doors for it, I don't want to take risks, I am not confident about it and I am not confident that someone would really love me and most importantly, I learned to stop hoping and trying. Wow, this is the very first time I've blurted this out. 

But I am not a love hater. I am still a hopeless romantic, wishing for a perfect wedding day and a happy marriage. Sometimes, I ask myself when will I sleep with a smile on my face, when will I finally say I love you, when will I feel loved again. And even if I'm trying not to, I know deep within me that I am still a Disney princess waiting for my prince and our happily ever after story. As a 20 year old, that sounds a little bit uncomfortable. Hahaha.

But this emptiness teaches me something everyday. From the pain that have caused me so much sadness, I've been busy using my mind not to get hurt again not realizing that my heart really has something more to offer me. It's no other than love, still love. At the end of the day, I ask myself why am I so afraid of love? When it is actually the most wonderful here on earth. Love is nothing without pain and sacrifices. It's really up to us, human beings, how to handle it. Yes, that's right. And if ever you're wondering who is that close friend and mysterious MAN I'm talking about, let's just leave it like that, but like I said, it is how you handle it. One of the things I've learned is we should never stop hoping but we should learn how to accept good or bad situations. Learn to accept everything that comes your way. So that is what keeps me going now. One thing is for sure,wherever you are now, whatever you do, love will always finds its way because God is writing the best love story for you. 


Warmly,
Macy :)